I was on reality TV.

I was on reality TV. ABC decided to do a Bachelor/Bachelorette mash-up season. So, really, everyone was hooking up. And Brad Womack was back. I believe DeAnna was as well, but really I only remember the Bachelorette as being a bitch who wanted my man, Brad. She thought she had him in the palm of her hand, that she was going on all these dates with other guys but was still going to win Brad back. I actually think he was scared of her.

So we were filming on this remote island water park resort. And we were in about the middle of the season when I really started feeling a connection with Brad. In between filming is when I would sneak away to see him and that’s when we really hit it off. He was a totally different person behind the camera.

So this one day, I’m sitting there drinking with the girls and they are getting sloshed. I think to myself, “Act like you’re drinking more than you are. It makes them want to drink more, meanwhile, you get more time with Brad and you don’t look like a slob!” So that’s what I do. And he comes out with his “Hello, ladies” and they start filming. We have a little mixer, lounging around on couches that are sitting in a pool about a foot deep.

And then the filming is over and Brad has actually gotten a little tipsy by this point. I get him alone as most of the girls go to shower and re do their mountains of makeup. I, of course, have perfectly sun kissed skin so I’m good to go. And so we kind of sneak away from the film crew and go sit in a jungle gym portion of the water park. We’re flirting and can’t stop touching each other. I tell him that I actually considered moving to Texas about 8 months ago, that I love San Antonio. He asks me if I would consider moving to Louisiana. And then I get confused. I ask him if he moved, because I thought he lived in Austin? He says that he grew up in Austin but recently moved ti Louisiana. So, yeah, I tell him I’d go anywhere he was. And then we are making out like teenagers.

Well, the crew finds us and they don’t really like that we’re spending so much time with each other because they are missing out on quality footage. So they ask him to go back to his room and freshen up for some interviews. He lingers a little and then DeAnna walks by. She’s also walking back to her room to freshen up and she says, “Baby, you look like you had a little too much to drink. Why don’t you go take a little nap, jump in the shower, and stop by my room before we head off to interviews? I’ve got a present for you.” And she gives me a snide look before she turns around and shakes her ass all the way back to her room.

Right before he leaves, he kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “Meet me in 30 in room  #3.” Because contestants aren’t allowed to know where the Bachelor/Bachelorette are staying, I didn’t know his room number. This is amazing! I know where he’s staying. You know what that means.

And so I head back to the suite only to change and sneak back by the girls while I head over to Brad’s. But when I get there, he’s sunburnt and passed out on his bed. I get him up and get him in the shower. And then there’s a knock on the door. I hide just as DeAnna walks in. She gives him a pitiful look and says, “Aww baby, look at you.” And then walks out. Obviously she’s not willing to put a little effort in for that piece of meat. Good, no real competition. She only wants him because she can’t have him. I want him because, oh my god, his body.

I finally get him to come around. He gets dressed in his suave little suit. He’s just about ready to walk out the door… when he decides he has a little time to take it all off for me.

Thing is? I don’t even like Brad Womack. But Now I’m all dream crushing on him and I can’t stop thinking about it. Fuck.

%d bloggers like this: