Trouble in Paradise

So it can’t always be rainbows and butterflies, right? After a year, I’m just figuring this part out. I guess that makes me pretty lucky. Anyway. SC and I have talked and talked and TALKED about marriage and babies and all that. It’s pretty much inevitable. We both know that.

Our issue is money. In this economy, many people are opting for elopement or the court house route. But I really don’t want to go to Vegas and neither does he. His big thing is that he wants to get me a nice ring. He wants to do it right. He’s very old fashioned that way. It’s romantic. I just don’t know how realistic it is.

We had talked about a timeline a few months back. Mostly because I’m a control freak and I need to know that this thing called life is gonna start sometime soon. I’ve played the waiting game before, and it blew up in my face. When we talked, he hadn’t broken his collar bone, but he also hadn’t gotten a new job. But my transmission also hadn’t gone to shit, but he also hadn’t refinanced his truck. Back then, he thought it might take him 6 months to pay off his truck and then he could start saving for a ring.

So that timeline was pretty much set in stone in my mind. By next summer I’d be planning a wedding. That was until this evening over dinner. He casually brought up the way  that my family is on his case about putting a ring on my finger. I casually joked that he could put his good credit to good use. That’s when things got serious.

He said some things, I said some things. And feelings got hurt. (By feelings, I clearly mean mine) He explained that things changed when he got hurt. he couldn’t make the payments on his truck if he was out of work and so he refinanced. I knew all about that, and it sounded like a perfect plan at the time. what he neglected to mention is that the truck wouldn’t have to be paid off for another two years now. He said he’d still like to make double payments and get it paid off in 6-12 months, but I have to look at the worst case scenario (because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN PEOPLE) and assume that it’s going to take 2 years.

That kind of thing takes a bit for me to process, and the fact that he was working off of a different plan than me for about 3 months kind of hurt. I mean, here I thought we were on the same page and we totally weren’t. For THREE MONTHS.

And we came home and talked more about it, but he doesn’t get where I’m coming from. He doesn’t know why we have to be on a timeline. I can’t imagine living life any other way. I’ve been waiting to get married and start my family since I was 16 years old. I’ve been waiting for this for seven years already. And I know that he’s not gcoming from the dame place. But from what he tells me, he’s realy for all of that, it’s strictly the money that’s holding him back.

And you know what? I fucking HATE living my life based on money. Or rather NOT living my life because I can’t fund it.

I don’t know where it goes from here. All I know is that I can’t wait until I’m 25 to get started. I just can’t. It would break my heart. It would break me.

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