Lessons Learned: See me.

One of the things that really resonated with me last weekend at #BiSC is this: it’s just not as cool as you think it is for other people to think that your life is perfect.

I think that, on some level, everyone who has an online persona (READ: EVERYONE) wants to portray themselves in a certain way. It’s rare to see a woman post a picture of themselves without any makeup on and it’s near impossible for those that do to not be bombarded with “THIS IS WHY I’M GOING FACE-NAKED TODAY” messages or involved in some sort of project involving beauty. The thing is, though, that it’s okay to just be yourself. Even online.

I try to maintain a balance of the good and the bad, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I used to blog (in another location) about all of the negative aspects of life. It was my way of finding release for all the SHIT. But it just ended in me representing myself as a terribly negative person and no one really wants to read that all the time. Then, I came to this space and blogging changed for me. I wanted people to see all the best parts of me. I didn’t want to talk about the fights that SC and I had. I thought it was embarrassing to admit that (GASP!) a real couple fights. I didn’t want to portray him in the same negative light that I portrayed my ex on another blog. And I wanted people to think that we were perfect.

BUT THAT’S NOT REAL LIFE. I’m not helping anybody by ignoring the facts of life. People disagree. People fight. Sometimes really passionate people scream at the top of their lungs and then sob uncontrollably for hours. Sometimes people that aren’t usually that passionate do these things as well.

To those people that I feel I have to live up to, the ones that I think are perfect: I know that you’re not. And that’s okay. And I challenge you to discover your own balance in the positive/negative information that you share online.

To those people that are struggling: You should know that I’m not perfect. And I will continue to put in the work to find my positive/negative balance in the information I share. I want you to know me. I want you to meet me IRL and immediately have no question about who I ¬†am because the way that I act represents the persona that I create here.

I don’t want to make others feel discouraged. That they will never find someone who looks at me the way that SC does. That they are not positive 100% of the time, in the way that I seem, so nothing good will happen to them. These are not the things that I want to bring to the table.

I want to be positive and honest and real and one whole person. And I want you to feel like these things are possible for you, too. I want you to see me.

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