Journal-Blogging & The 30-Day Sugar Detox

I’m doing Nicole‘s 30-Day Sugar Detox program and I have all the feelings, so I’m journaling them here.

 

Yesterday was the day that I started noticing a change in myself. I woke up easier. I slept better. I felt truly rested without having done any exercise the day before. The main reason that I’ve changed my diet/exercise habits in the past six months is to help me sleep better. I guess not eating that nightly bowl of fruity pebbles or ice cream really is contributing to a better night sleep for me.

It has been 6 days since I started really controlling and limiting the types and amounts of sugar that I’m putting into my body. But while I’m physically monitoring myself and making changes, I’m also doing the hard emotional work. The first few days, I’ll be honest. I blew it off. It was the weekend and I didn’t have any schoolwork to do so I just cleared my plate of any of the HARD WORK.

But then on Monday, I felt really overwhelmed and like I wasn’t taking this thing seriously. Since then, I’ve mostly caught up. It turns out that adding even one more thing to my plate right now was sort of a mistake. But I also believe that missing this opportunity would have been a mistake as well. So I’m pushing through. I’m stressed as fuck. But I’m committed. And I’ve roped SC into this commitment as well. He’s following along with my coursework and I’m making him think about his emotional ties with food, because I think that’s one of his major problems as well.

Like I said, yesterday was a big day in this process for me. First, I binged on Tic-Tacs because I found a full pack in my desk sometime around lunch. By the end of the day, the pack of Tic-Tacs was gone because I used that as a snack since I’d been depriving myself of snacks. I BINGED ON TIC-TACS. If that’s not emotional eating, I don’t know what is. So while I initially had one or two because there’s less that .5 grams of sugar in a serving, I also probably ended up having about 30 servings. So… that’s not good.

But I was driving home from work and having a self-talk sesh, when I had an epiphany. I initially thought about throwing those Tic-Tacs away, but I couldn’t justify it because I’d paid money for those! I’d rather eat something that I know is terrible for me than to throw it away and waste not only the food, but more importantly, the money I spent purchasing that item.

I tied this line of thought back to the first worksheet that Nicole had us complete. It explored our first memories and ties to food as children. As a child, my family was very poor. We had crappy Top Ramen, Pepsi, Milk, and chips in the house at all time but not really anything substantially nutritious. Cheap and easy food that a child could cook was essentially what my diet was made of for the first fifteen years of my life. I could probably count on 10 fingers the amount of home cooked, nutritious meals that I remember my mom making for us. Most of the time, if there were nothing to eat in the house, we would splurge on $0.59 hamburgers from McDonalds.

So I was inherently taught not to waste ANYTHING, especially not something that my parents paid good money for. And more importantly, eat what’s in front of you because who knows when you’ll feel full again.

After that ten minute drive where I thought about ALL OF THE THINGS, I went home and ate precooked chicken wings and frozen onion rings. My justification was that the label showed only about a gram more of sugar than the pesto pasta I was going to make. Plus it was A TON easier and it sounded better. BUT HOLY HELL. It made me feel terrible and did not fill me up at all. So I ate more, obviously.

Then I felt like I wanted to puke and my kidneys were going to explode.  So I made some herbal tea and boiled up a batch of detoxifying ingredients to throw in a bath. Almost immediately I felt 90% less pressure in my kidneys and as I began sweating, I started to feel better.  After that, I dried my hair and laid in bed to read until I fell asleep. I still slept really well and woke up feeling refreshed this morning, but my tummy is a little upset.

This is going to be an ongoing account. There’s no closure here, more like a to-be-continued stream of consciousness journal entry. More to come…

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